A Quick Peek Inside Jail pt. 1 of 4

A new adventure and a quick unpleasant reminder!

Well, where do i start? I guess i can say, i have somewhat of a "adventure" definately out of the norm that i'm jumping into.
Something i doubt anyone (in their right mind) would be too willing to do, given the circumstances.

What i'm getting to is the thought of being in jail! (not Yale!)
and Not a pretty picture! What a twisted way to have a unusual and uncalled for adventure/experience!

Well, today i was given the "opportunity" to go there or not...
I chose to go.

I had some old parking tickets that i forgot about, now with higher fines imposed and lately recieved a traffic ticket that when i went to court this Monday (once again), also opened another can of worms. I was hit with fines plus, but not willing to pay them all off so i was also given other options.

It simply came down to either paying $1,500+ other fees, doing 71 hours of community service and $500+ fees or just do the jailtime and let it be. Thats what i have decided to do. I'm nuts if you ask me but what the heck, its a 16 day stint and the probability (or not) of being releasted earlier is a given and fairly common. I can hang and besides...i need a "vacation"! (Yeah right!!)

I will be turning myself in on May 7th as specified by the judge, and so it will begin...
I am curious of how this will all turn out! I'm not worried about it but don't look forward to being locked up with a bunch of bottom feeders either. I know that one of the most precious things in life to me personally...is my freedom. Many things i've taken advantage of in my daily life will be put on hold only to later be appreciated that much more.

This is my main reason for even contemplating this in the first place! Sure i could take the other options and walk away the same, with no real true appreciation but i honestly see this as a opportunity. I can hear some saying...NO WAY! and others...He's Crazy! or he's just saying that or lying! Nope! Its what i plan to do, out of everything else. There are more downsides to doing this than upsides but in the long run of the short of it, i will be glad to be free once again!

You see,the very last time i ever stepped into a L.A. Jail was back when i was 18 years old! It was my first and last time...til now. I really do hate this system too but i feel i need this one more time in my life. I know some who have been in for over 10 or more years and thats scary! So this is nothing!

Where i will most likely be visiting will probably be the Imfamous "Twin Towers". My mind frame will more or less be on the defensive holding my own, best not to go in looking timid or weak! Yet i will be taking it all as a grain of salt and go with the program... See if i meet any interesting people...you never really know where people come from or why they are there. I'm sure to some it will be their first experience...a rare few.
But thats to be seen and later comented on if true or not. I already know what to expect...or do i?
Now some close to 30 years later myself, i think i will pop in for a spell and remind myself of how good life and freedom are, knowing full well i could have easily been a product of this inviroment and caught up in the system way back when.
I think of it as a twisted reality check! I will be writing all about this and the whole scene.
It will give a interesting prospective!

And so i begin to count down the next few days! I wish i was already doing this and getting over it by now but NO, they make me wait and think about what i signed up for!
Oh well...whatever. It will come and go in just a matter of time, something i do have to spare at the moment. It would be cool if i can get a hold of writing matterials to keep a journal of the days events. You know, the basic stuff like how many are dragged out each day or who started what with who. All the juicy drama that your typical local jail has to offer.

Man, i shouldn't be kidding and making light of this huh? Whats wrong with me?? Its serious stuff!! Oh who am i kidding...We just will have to see if my attitude is still so lighthearted when i get out! ha! I bet i'll be singing a different tune then!! Oh...I don't like the way that sounded!!

So maybe it really is about proving something to myself by doing this? What? So i already know what i came out of, why do i feel i need to prove anything? The answers will come soon enough and it will be determined just what my true intention and motive was. Do i really lack that much adventure in my life to go to this lenght? Naw...but i have to admit, Adventure? it will be and thats a understatement!

Growing some facial hair to get that gruff mean look going on...no pretty boy going in here! I'm practicing my "hard look" and must remember NOT to smile!!! hehe
People think they know where a person is coming from or made of when looking at the exterior. Its always so misleading and really a joke! Yet it can have its advantages at both ends.


Yup
Fridays a coming....

Times up!
Well, this is it. I'm ready to go on vacation equal to a inner city warzone, only with strict control! Prisoners of all kinds from all over will always continue to congregate in a place made just for them. Disgusting if you ask me! I will be right in the center of it all! Believe it or not, i'm in anticipation of this whole experience. Lets see what i get out of it? I occassionally enjoy watching extreme sports so this is kinda along those lines...you think? I asked for it!
Bummer, i didn't realise the date and weekend it would be falling on, oh well...


Thank God its not like... Years, only a few days or so.

Jail Pt.2

Got up early, made some coffee, showered and got ready for my one way ticket to lalaland.
See ya later!
Hopefully!!

To be continued upon re-entry!
----------------------------------
IT BEGINS!

I stepped into the elevator and pushed the 3rd floor button.
Nervously waiting to take my last few steps of freedom, yet I realised what needed to be done on this day and the process i would have to go through would remain to be seen and experienced.

I stepped through the double doors that led me into the courtroom and quietly walked on over to where the deputy was sitting. I handed him one piece of paper that explained why i was there. He looked at the paper then up at me as to say with a look that he was somehow surprised. He instructed me to have a seat while he presented the slip to the judge. After the Judge finished with the case at hand he looked up and called my name. I stepped up to the podium as he began to inform me of my rights and to clarify my previous decision. I nodded as he proceeded with my case.
After all was said and done the deputy motioned me over to the side door where i would began this experience. I wasn't feeling so nervous anymore and was somewhat excited to begin and see where it would go....step by step.

I was to now be placed into a small steril cell of 6x9 (if i'm right). It had a sink,toilet and narrow cold steel bench. Over the sink was a small 5x10 metal mirror and i leaned over to see my reflection and expression. I looked relaxed and i felt ok too. I truely was looking at it from a adventureous point of view. This is what i hoped for other than a feeling of insecurity and fear. It was just fine, so far...

While sitting there alone, eyes closed and trying not to think about the unknown which layed ahead, i could hear the sounds that penetrated through the door. Mainly the voices of the female deputies exchanging information or flirting with the other deputies.
An hour, or so it seemed had passed as i was now lying on this narrow cold bench...waiting and waiting, all the while dozing in and out of a surreal dream... almost as if this weren't really happening, yet the unfamiliar voices constantly reminded me otherwise.
I was pretty tired from the night before which i stood up late knowing that soon enough i would have plenty of time to sleep.
I was somewhat wrong about that. You see, i would be able to but only until the very next move.
Then after having been called out and told to stand facing the wall with my hands behind my back, i would wait til being called again to step up and give the nessessary information requested etc. The next step would be taking my fingerprints and "mug shot". Wow! Guess i'm offically a real criminal now!

I held on nevertheless to my bragging rights of being out of the system for some 30 years other than a small overnight stay somewhere years back. Wheather i was believed or not didn't seem to matter...as long as i knew and if interested all they had to do was look for themselves. But this was just another day with another "criminal" being processed, so who really cares.

I made small talk on occassion and it was polite and relaxed. They had a job to do and i had some free time to spare so we were in agreement and i did what i could to make things go as smoothly as possible.

Soon i would be called back to stand again at the wall as other prisoners/imates would file by. These were both men or women. I could tell offhand that these people were nothing more the drug addics or bottom dwellers and feeders. Heres where i had to put on my "game face" at times and blend in so to speak. It would pay off in the long run to hold my own and have the nessessary skills to survive. Time spent means nothing. You could be there for only hours and possibly be devoured and split out! It always depends on who your placed into a cell with. And its usually at least 10-15...maybe more in a larger holding cell. Some waited for court,some waited to be transported to the Country Jail downtown.

It was now time for me to do exactly that. Go into a cell filled with a mix of a few bold and a few poor scared souls. If you didn't understand english it would be that much more tramatic too.
I walked in and found a place to sit. Eventually as names were called to appear in court, there would be a place to lay down on the bench. As the overhead vent spewed its air on us, it was cold. I was having a hard time not shivering and i'm sure it was noticible at times. Me being one who is a low blood presure person is affected this way. Some felt it was hot in there too but not me! It was cold and uncomfortable. All i could say is...I better get used to it!

Some 6 hours later a deputy brought us sandwiches and some fruit. I wasn't hungry so i just passed.
From the time i began (10am) til the time we were ready to be transported (7pm)...Some nine hours later we were called to stand up and prepare to be chaincuffed in twos by four (to each chain set).

The young transporting deputy was loud and meant business. He barked out orders and we obeyed promply! All the prisoners were removed from all the local cells and holding tanks then marched in a double file til we got to the bus where we waited for his next commands.
As we boarded, it was very awkward due to the lenght and position of space to move. We walked to the back of the bus and took out seats. I never knew that these buses were completely blacked out/boarded from looking out other than a small slit window at the top. I always thought as they would pass me on the freeway or street sometime, that they could see me or look out. Now i knew.

The driver was that same young deputy too. In power and yet acting so immature. He had the authority and he abused it too. He drove that bus like it was a hot rod! Hard on the gas and hard on the brake! The turns were sharp almost as to try to impress us somehow. There were female prisoners onboard locked in the front area cages and they would yell out to him to drive faster etc. He cranked the radio up pretty loud as the jams were blasting, just like a friday night cruise out some main blvd. Well at least the radio station was good! I didn't mind hearing some ol'school jams over the loudspeakers!

I mean, here we are going down the freeway with the tunes thumping! Now is that cool or what? yea, right. So as we finally do pull up to the Buliding, he turns it up even louder! Guess he's gotta show his boys whos bad!

We now unboard the bus and head into a door that will take us to our very first cell or "holding tank".
This will be the first of uncountable cells with its herd of all kinds.
This will be the real beginning, the real test of endurance and pain i never saw coming. Many will be subjected to the most uncomfortable conditions and the senses will be put through hell!
Heres where it all starts....
28+ hours of hard,unbearable,cramped,filthy,demoralizing time.
It gets worst...

-------------------

My wristband with name (not shown) and My Number. The only info posessed while there.


-------------------

No, i didn't sneak in a microcam but this is close to how the corridors/hallways do look in some areas.



Moving on...

Jail Pt. 3

Delicious,yummy Penut Butter served with bread and one pak of Jelly...served numerous times while being processed for 28+ hours or so. I'll never think of P.B. ever the same again! haha (NO,I didn't eat any of it!)



There are three 15x15 rooms (aprox) inner-connecting. The first is where you just sit and wait. It might be a hour or so but you make the best of it if at all possible. For some its not.
Once the next sliding door is opened we move into the second room. This one we will wait even longer!
I found a regular kinda of guy to pass the time with in interesting and decent conversation. He was there to take care of his demons too. He like many folks...screwed up and was now dealing with it. So we had something in comon. We both knew we had to step up and do what a mans gotta do when wrong. I doubt many felt the same way who were "regulars" and already seasoned and knew the routine. I met others who had never seen the inside of a jail before and this was to be their rude awakening.

As we sat against the wall, we talked about many things all the while hoping it would somehow make it tolerable. It barely it. Finally after what seemed to be hours(at least 2) the three guards came in. One explained how it was and if we didn't do what he said we would continue to sit there and wait longer.
He quickly shouted orders for all to stand in a perfect line with out left shoulder against the wall. Someone wasn't understanding what was said and the jailer became very agitated and snapped off the latex gloves and stormed out while yelling that he was gonna be there all night and so would we if we didn't get it right the next time he decided to try this again.

Another hour had passed...nothing! Twice we jumped to our feet and into formation as needed when someone mentioned "here they come!" Twice it would be a false alarm. I found myself glancing over to where their station was to see if they were coming as i talked to my new buddy. But nothing.
Eventually, they returned and we were ready to now proceed into the third room only feet away. Here is where we would remove our shoes and then socks and be patted down. That was easy enough!

Now we would be marched down a corridor lined with many small holding cells and broken off as each became filled. There always seemed to be more people than space and many would just find a place anywhere on the filthy floor to lay down and sleep. The rest of us if fortunate would have a cramped place on one of the benches lining the walls. This is where we would try to made ourselves comfortable and block out all the distractions and close our eyes. There would be no sleep for anyone this night! Only brief periods of "rest" and thats what was to be expected. We were constantly moved from cell to cell as we got closer to the next stage. This is how it would be for the next 24 hours. At one time someone asked a trustee if he knew what time it was and he came back and told us it was 4am. I had no idea of the time as did anyone else. There are no clocks to be found on the walls so we never know. I actually thought it was only around 12 or so.

Finally we were called to stand up and be ready for the next move...

As we entered another room we were instructed to strip down. Next we would be lined up to enter the shower area and as we did we were given a roll with a towel,tee,underware,socks and a small piece of soap. Everyone entered and showered quickly then just as quickly dressed while standing off to a crowded side on wet floors and steamed walls.
Next we would be marched to a area where we would sit on long long benches and straddle them in a roll facing all the same direction. We would slide up a space as each was called to a small window area to give any information of our health or lack of. After that we would do the same seating arangment in the next area. It went like this for some time til many are so exhusted that it just becomes a blur. I'm even trying to remember what came next. Oh yea, We were taken to a very long hall type room, given a meal pak and sat to eat and wait. I decided to finally eat something so i opened a small bag of sliced carrots and munched on them. The balone sandwich i gave away and i tried to drink down a small container of punch but it was just nasty!

Here is where we would soon be assigned to a location, a Module or Cell Block on one of the levels inside this cold cement walled building. A final stop was now closing in. As names were called we stepped out and lined up. We would now walk from where the Twin Towers are to a long narrow corridor that would take us from one building to another. Soon we would be in the old Jail building and no longer in the towers side. It finally came down to fewer numbers and 10 of us were now heading toward the 5800 Block. Everything so far was hard to endure but it was possible. The next and final step would take on a very different life and style from what those outside this Cell Block would know. I had no idea what i would be stepping into. I had held my own throughout all this and it seemed not to be a problem but what layed ahead would definately be a real challenge for me....

Jail Pt. 4

Standing lined up, facing a big dark one way window...
We waited for our next instruction.

To our left and to our right were large solid doors with a small window covered by brown paper and big black writing; 5800 Cell Block stamped on it. This door was the one we would soon enter.

I had no idea what was on the other side. I never went this far when i was 18 and a first time visitor. Now at 49 i was to be a inmate and find out what being (deep) on the inside was all about.
The large door opened and being the first in line, told to step on in. It was like going from day to night, like a dream that is sureal. My eyes needed a moment to ajust to the dimly lit room. A room that seemed to hold about 200 inmates and filled with bunkbeds lined on either side and the middle. A room were all you can see are shadows with no faces. The air itself seemed to have its own story to tell as did the writing on the walls.

My first few steps were marked by the sounds of... "New Fish"
I in turn repeated the same as to acknowledge the fact... "Yeah, New Fish! It was now time to be smart and to be hard, if you care to survive. This was my way of holding my own, right from the start. My attitude was..."thats right" I deliberately made as much eye contact as possible with all that were looking at me. I knew i had to show i was not intiminated, and for me that came easy cause i'm usually not... I will be tested once again.

No longer being involved with gangs since my early years didn't mean i forgot how its played in the circle of the weak and strong and i always kept my strong side in my back pocket for whenever i just might need it... this was the time to pull it out and display where i was at or coming from and not to be mistaken for weak.

I "strolled" to the back (as if to say i was "seasoned") while looking to see if any beds were available. There were none. As i came to the end of a row of bunkbeds, i met the "main man", the shot caller of the Mexican Group in this block and was asked if i were either Sureno or Piesan. I was asked again your piesano right? and i answered si'mon (yes) not really knowing what i just did. This could have been a very dangerous move for me but apparently i said the right thing. The other is also Mexican but from a different land and so a rival. I was now faced with the very strange and uncomfortable situation of dealing with something not to be taken lightly. If you didn't go along or if you did something displeasing you would get timed. If it was a 30 second time then you got beaten for that long!

After the intros i started back to the front to see if anything was still available. As i walked to the other side one of the members came up and verified my statis then told me to follow him. I was led to a bed in the corner that was in a dark area. Not a safe place to be unless your being set up for something! I saw it as a place to crash out being that i hadn't had a place to lay down for some time. No sooner that i began to unroll my bedding the head man came up and said no! follow me! So i followed him to the back where it seemed most of them were situated. He pointed to a top bunk and told me to use this one and get some rest til they asigned beds later that night. He knew what i was feeling and so i did just that!
I slept for some time. It turned out that they made room for me by ordering one of the guys to give up his bed for the time.

As i woke i could hear the sound of a tv mounted in the front. The movie was Speed. I knew i had to open my eyes and get off this bed to cohabitate with these guys. I layed there asking myself how i was gonna deal with the very real situation at hand. I knew it was very touchy and that i would have to continue to seem like i was a seasoned homeboy. I thought of what could happen if i didn't meet their conditions or expectations whatever that might be. This wasn't a game, it was serious business and i was now a part of it. This wasn't a choice! If you want your back watched and protected you played it their way otherwise you were on your own and very vaunerable. Its.. either your for us or against us...period. Interesting that it seemed that the outside rivery of various conflicting gangs were non-exsistant and now merged as one Group. I could be wrong but it did seem that way.

I jumped off my bunk and even though i was feeling somewhat insecure at the moment, i made small talk here and there, keeping it short as possible. I went and washed my face and brushed my teeth then made my way slowly back, jumped back up and tried to relax.
One of the guys saw that i was awake and came over and asked me if i knew "the program". I told him not really,tell me. As he began to enlighten me, the Guard at the blacked-out observation window (if you wanna call it that) told us all to get up and ready to march out for dinner. I soon made my own way in line and as i followed i now found out that we had a big dining room (cafeteria style). I was handed a tray then a container of milk and then the food would be served on it. I still wasn't eating so i drank my milk,ate the bananna and gave the rest of it away. I could have been in trouble if i gave it away to a black or white man! or even a sureno too i guess!

The meal was fast paced and soon enough our table was instructed to get up and move out. Heading back to the cell kinda remained me of a dorm but it really wasn't.
Once again laying on my back in bed and still recouperating. My body was still hurting from head to toe!
Being cramped for so long will do just that!

It was 4pm when we ate and at 7 or so i would be asigned a bed. At 5pm the Guard called out someone's name saying to "roll it up". That someone who he called out was me!
I got my bed roll together said goodbye to some and made my way to the door up front.
It would now be just a matter of time. 4 hours of time to be exact!

The release process was so much quicker than the entering but it seemed to be forever and even though i remained patient, knowing it was just about time and it would come sooner or later many couldn't wait to hit the door. Ironically, these were the same who would probably be back within a matter of time.
The procedure was the same only in reverse and minus many of the formalities. We were once again herded from one room to the next and waited til the next move. Our names were called and we were handed our street clothes. We changed and then started for the release rooms. Soon we would be sitting once again on those benches lined up facing ahead while nearing the end. The last room was were we would collect our property. The last phase was to collect any money we had on us before entering. The door was now only a few feet away. Soon i would be stepping out into a warm night's air and enjoying every second of it. I decided to just use this time walking and reflecting on the events of the past days and continued to head in the direction i called home. It was only 5 miles away but for a time felt like forever.
It took me about one hour til i reached those fimiliar streets and neighborhood. And it felt great!

Reflecting while walking:
I always knew i was smart enough to avoid doing any serious time and of course also knew that when i wasn't smart...i would have to deal with it. I always kept my mistakes minor or so i hoped. If not i would be doing real time behind it.
Enjoying my personal freedom had always been top priority...but sometimes i would do something stupid or careless and even though minor, stupid still... but then be put back into check. I was ok with that.

Personally, i wouldn't want it any other way. I always knew my potential for being bad, doing wrong and falling into the system from early on. I had made the decision long ago to avoid any trouble in my life if i wanted to remain free. It was basically simple as that!

Maybe you yourself can appreciate why i wrote this... or maybe not, but for anyone who ever wondered what its all about or how bad it can be ...well, now you can stop wondering. Everything experienced was degrading and uncomfortable as it was meant to be...

For me to write about it really was worth the tour. After all, i already knew i had a release coming any day between the 16 days or sooner.
So i have no regrets and as i said before...this was of my own choosing. I see it as a test but not at all a game! Its a serious matter to me when your freedom is taken, no matter how many days or hours! When your right to freedom is removed it is serious and no joke. I learned many things while in this place and somehow ironically... its all good. Maybe in another 30 years or so i'll drop on in once again for another "reality check" when i'm 80 or so. (yeah, right)

And as for retriving my money at the window before walking out? I was actually planning on not collecting it!
You see, i only brought 5 quarters,2 dimes and a nickle with me in case if anything i would make a call to be picked up if i was in some other location farther away.
The cashier mentioned that it could not be located and i said to her to just keep it, it wasn't a problem.
I smiled at her and stepped out the door.



I thought to myself...
This musta been my "BuckFifty" tour
It was... and then some!


End of story!

You play - You Pay !

Did i say...

You play-you pay? Dam straight! (i know and speak from experience)

I was catching the local news today when i seen another typical Police beating and then the mention of the recent one of the black boy at the gas station. ahh, memories! So from my own past personal experience i knew what was really going on in each of these cases. So here is my opinion on them...

(oh yea, you better hold on too cause i got a few things to say bout that whole thing!)

Starting with the black kid. I don't think,I KNOW that this cop who slammed this also not so inocent boy on the hood of the cop car was one of those old familiar types who really are as you seen on the tape...volatile. I have had my own run-in with these guys and they do serious damage not only to that person (victim? yea, right), But the real damage is with the community trust/relationship which isn't all that anyway but why really make it worst?

I'm not so interested in this kid or what he did or didn't do, but more on the way a so-called "Professional" Officer of the "Law" behaves in full view without any regard to the public or his own department. I know there are many hot headed "macho" and poorly trained policeman in this city. In my case when i got beat down or a busted nose on occassion, it was entirely my own fault and i left it at that even though i know i could have made a case against the city for excessive force/brutality. I pushed the buttons and got them all pumped up by pushing it to the limit. ME not them. It still comes down to how each situation is handled, either right or wrong seems to be a blur at times.

I remember a cop's personal car i inadvertly "borrowed" and found his revolver in the glove compartment. Later when all the drama was over and it all came to a safe ending for everyone, the cop later told me that if he would have found me first, he would have shot up car, he didn't care. He wanted me in jail so bad that he even lied while up on the stand (this happens alot too) only to be found in contempt and all charges were dropped. Now i would hate to be the next poor soul he pulls over, thats for sure! And color? oh yea, it plays a big role, always will too, regardless if people hide behind it or not. The last time i was pulled over was because i was the wrong color in the wrong neighborhood in Torrance. Thats what came out in court too. It didn't matter that i was parked while reading my street map, being lost. I don't like it but i accept it and deal with it as intelligently as possible, cause some of these cops aren't at all that intelligent! Trust me! That "the bad guys" mentality flows way too wide and that brush is definately too broad! Seeing only what they want to think and being pretty blind if you ask me, yet it doesn't stop with only them either as you also know.

Taking into account that we're only human changes nothing when theres a gun and power mixed with anger. That my friend, makes one armed and dangerous man, who happens to be a policeman!

As for this fool who resisted and got beaten down over in Dana Point for acting stupid? Thats what the results are, period! You dish it? Act like a fool? Then you better be able to take it! Again...right or wrong, thats the way it is. That cop who you can hear shouting to the guy now on his face about this or that? Its all bullshit! He's just covering his and his partners asses while looking around to see whos watching all this and pretending its not really their fault either. They're all wrong, and whos really the good guy or the bad guy now? Its another blur isn't it? And he made sure he said it loud enough too! And if there were even less to no cameras around? Then what?

Remember that fool Rodney King way back was lucky he wasn't shot up! Those cops out there are still dangerous (even today!) to the public, along with the low lifes on those streets acting so inocent. Your color can get you hurt bad, reason or no reason when its a narrow minded cop you deal with!
Blind? who else can be just as Blind and as much a biggot? Who else can be even bigger racist yet deny it by always pointing to someone else! Who said it was limited to only a certain group or race? Not me! If you? when... Wake the fuck up! This shit is not or ever has been "limited" to any particular people. We all can say the same thing and point fingers...so? Whats the "real" excuse? Ignorance, to the truth, in my opinion.

Funny now when police do something like this people cry like babies about police brutality and all the while they themselves are doing more damage, more harm, more killing and injustice to themselves, their own neighborhood and their community. I don't care who or what color it is either.

Now IF you happen to be a narrow minded or just ignorant person about what i'm saying and think i'm refering to whoever, then thats on you, you just proved my point, be a man and take responsibility for your own actions and of those you claim are unjustly treated. Its a no brainer...Lets be real about it!

You better not even bring this cry-baby "race" bullshit into it either. Be a real man and quit your crying! Don't even try to insult my intelligence.

So are you possibly taking all this i'm saying very personal? NO?...Good!
Yes? Then what does this really say? You know who (or who not) i'm talking to. You know whats up or do you really?
so...The moral of the story?

That there are no morals!
know that cops will get away with all kinds of shit...thats been proven.
As for you, if its you i'm talking to and you know who you are by the veins popping out of your neck by now!?
Hey...you play/you pay.
Thats the real moral of the story. Like it or not!

Inner City Blues

Inner city blues, we know is nothing new
Discarded lives of young and old
like yesterdays paper...
a fleeing story that slowly drifts on by
No longer today, not worth tomorrows news...
another statistic, recycled with the times

Or just left behind, as the next influx slowly creeps in,
a daily list of societie's casualties
Souls of what worth to you and i
Victims by their own hand, of their own mind
Robbed of all thats left of self-esteem
while passively swolled by the coldness
of a callused world


Lost is said, somewhere under, somewhere hidden,
a flickering shadow cast on a cardboard box thats home...
if only for tonight
Despair, languish, misery, its all the same
A step in either direction, waiting
and shadows cast by many others
surround its choaking circle

Regardless of where they been or who they once were
their right of passage, now lonely a traveled road
Stripped of any meaning, of all dignity
while standing on a corner their hand silently calling...
for your pity or your blessing

Later in the night some will count their given sorrows
a days work while the heat from a trash can warms
whats left of their soul
The smile of temporary comfort on many faces arises as whatever
is passed around and then, just then...
all seems right with the world, the challenge is forgotten

the rountine is concrete
exsistance minimal
The new come as the old slowly fade away
to waiting arms in the stillness of their last night
No one to be missed, on one can affort a tear
when there no longer is one to spare
Some will be missed and it will end...
right there

Time waits for no one, another day might come
Habits are calling and they show no patience, no mercy
Whatever it must take must be done
or there will be hell to pay
as its hounds constantly bark at their torn,worn heels
reminding constantly...
who is really in control
til they bark no more when breath is gone
and a beat is stilled

And so it goes with these inner city blues
discarded lives of young and old
like yesterday's evening news
and if you listen...
in the distance you too will hear...
its whispered life of blues
-------------------------------

There is no happy ending, no rainbow around the corner.
Only reality of the many who struggle to get from one day to the other.
I've seen it all, and i've seen it on a street level and even under that.
There is no pretty way of expressing this life. It cannot be candy coated.
Its raw and its nasty, but it exsists in every city. More each day join
its masses and you'd be amazed of all the various backgrounds!
i realize now, how the mind is so very powerful and yet as fragil
as the thinnest piece of glass.