Discovering my spiritual side pt.3

While living at Job Corps. i experienced many new things. For the first time in my life i was able to be Me, myself and not a Cholo or a Stoner but a man starting to feel secure as a individual now after letting go of my negative connection with the past.

I felt like a new person with a fresh start in life. Where nobody knew who i was . I was free to learn to be me and nothing else, as if born again so to speak and religion had nothing to do with it. If you really want to hear my rant on "Religion" just click here , otherwise i'll continue on.

Well....getting back to my walks and talks (walkie-talkie) with who ever was up there in the clouds and heavens and me wanting to know- yes there is or no, each night i continued to seek for answers.

Now I am not a weak-minded person nor gullible to sweet & pleasant or fire n' brimstone preaching. I am no fool as far as that goes and i don't believe in preaching it down some ones throat, but if i'm asked my opinion i will say whats on my mind but only if asked!

I have sat down with all kinds of people and just listened and learned what they're about, formed my opinion and politely kept humble and respectable.
And if i feel i could make my own comment, i would, other wise i would say "very interesting , i enjoyed learning something new but i'm not buying" (or) "i just don't believe what you do".

Now one day ,one of my best friends dropped some LSD (acid) and went to the beach with some friends. While there he told his friends that he wanted to be alone for awhile. Well they weren't going to do that but after being reassured he would be alright and just needed some time to trip alone, they went for a walk not too far away.

When they came back they found him on his knees crying. When they asked what was wrong, he looked up at them and said nothing was, but that he had felt a light touch on his heavy heart and it felt like the hand of God. (Yeah-Right!) But they also noticed his face was aglow with a look of peace and not all fried out but now completely straight. They weren't tripping on drugs that night, just him.

Later, he told me that it was real and as soon as he felt Gods touch he sobered up and felt like a heavy load had been lifted from his shoulders.
Now, I know the feeling of that with a peace and presence he was talking about and that is God with out any doubt.
No drugs or anything can match that, I know.

Funny how as i was asking for a "sign" for God to show me this or that, he had a better more realistic approach. Even so i wasn't truly convinced of anything (maybe just alittle).
The phone call from my friend back home telling me what happened did make something inside me click, but only partially.

The next month to come would change everything about my skepticism , I mean hey, God knew my heart and respected my ignorant way of asking for a sign or "whatever", he didn't laugh and make fun of me.
I remember i used to make fun of him and curse god and laugh and say he wasn't jack, still somehow i had a sneaking suspicion he might be around somewhere and once again saving my ass, but i was a cool vato who didn't need or want God. He's for fools and weak suckers, i would say .

The next event that came was on a beautiful sunny day . I had just came back from fishing and was ready to clean the fish when i received a phone call from my now ex-wife.
I was just out of Job Corps. and staying with some friends who took me under their wing ,a family who had just moved up from Oregon.

The weeks before i received a letter from her telling me she had hooked up with one of my homeboys and was pregnant and that i was never going to see my sons again and they were moving far away.
(And I learned just how much pay-back is a bitch!)

The following days and nights were bad. I couldn't eat or sleep and all i could do was cry.
I remember just once asking if there is a god-please help me to not lose my kids..and that was all i ever said, no begging or pleading to make a deal.
So on this day, ready to clean fish after spending time thinking about my sons and wishing they were here fishing with me even as little as they were (3 and 5) .
Well i got a call and it was my X. She was in some kind of trouble and asked if i would be willing to get the boys. The only stipulation was that as soon as she was back on her feet i would give them back, without hesitation I said sure!

I was so happy and excited to drive all the way down ,1500+ miles was nothing ,until i began the long journey down and couldn't wait to get there!
I did Thank God for that miracle (and it was).

On the way down,at night on the road, thinking about everything and how great it was gonna be to have my sons living with me and this family, who helped me get my own place shortly after i returned from California. They were just real, loving people who loved Jesus and never preached down to me and were very patient and understanding. I was rough around the edges to put it mildly. They knew they weren't Perfect..... but they were Sincere. That was a positive impression and it helped.

I soon got my own place and was suppose to start work the next day where my friend was at. That night i received a phone call from another close best friend of mine from L.A.
Apparently he had just came to God and excepted him into his life and for some strange reason felt he was suppose to call me and tell me that-nothing more. (I thought it kinda strange)

Now you would have to know this guy to under- stand that this just wasn't possible! Is it a joke?
He despised anything and everything to do with God and everyone knew it! Now here he was telling me how good God is and how he feels so clean and light (not heavy) .
I remembered that i heard something like that before but NOT this guy! Come-on!

When i got off the phone i needed to take a walk.
I went back to that spot i used to walk around and looked up and asked once again but as i did all the events came to mind and when i thought about everything, then i realized what he was trying to tell me all along-I AM Real. I was just to busy, to distracted to stop and see what he was doing and showing me how he can move mountains of all kinds.
This time something clicked inside again but it was different. This time it was complete and not just a half-way thing.
I finally understood something important to me, something i knew nothing about, I now knew alittle more and thats the way it went, just little by little, mistakes and all. I'm glad he understands me even when i don't at times-to this day.
I'm also glad he excepts me faults and all and loves me regardless and.... Unconditionally!
Is that cool or what!

The next day i was suppose to start work at this Truck Tire Shop. That day early a friend of a friend came to my house and asked if i would be willing to swap my job for a local Community College Course that would train/teach me a skill. I said maybe, tell me more?
We went to the College and he introduced me to the director. He explained it all to me and let me know the program paid me for attending and they had a child care center. The trades offered were Auto. Mechanics or Refrigeration / Major Appliance Repair.
Now i didn't mind working on my own car or helping a friend but i didn't want to do this all the time and on other peoples cars.
Refrigeration and repairing household Appliances was something i could get into cause i like to tinker.

I signed up that morning, then went on over to my friends work and explained everything to him and how i would rather learn a skill/trade. He completely understood and allowed this guy to take my place.
So once again i was going back to school , and i thought it was just great. I was tripping on the whole thing and how things were moving in my life.

It all seemed to work out strangely enough, and how i wasn't interested in learning a trade while in Job Corps. and now here was one that really appealed to me and with some nice benefits as well.

The following week in the evening, my friend came by to tell me there had been an accident at his job.
It seems that the guy who took my place was changing a Truck tire when it blew out its bead, the rolled metal edge bead that all tires have for rim contact/seal. The tire exploded and shot straight up to the ceiling and made a hole. Luckily it didn't hit the guy or anyone else. Unfortunately he had both his hands on it when it blew and his wrists were snapped back.

The next time i saw him he had both hands+ in casts.
I really felt bad for him!
No, i didn't think that could have been me but others had mentioned it is possible.

The Days came and the days went. And i was enjoying what i was doing, which is a good sign.
After school one afternoon i picked up the boys from day care and we went........fishing!
It was like a dream come true. Here we were just a short time later at my favorite spot teaching my little ones to fish!

I caught a few and it was time to start back. Our little black and white cat was gonna have a feast.
As we pulled up and parked,the boys were greeted my their kitty.
I opened the back door to let the boys in and thought the cat had followed but he came back to the car where i was unloading my gear and with a hard slam with my foot i closed the car door.

I didn't see the cat start to jump into the car and the door caught him right between this front and back legs-his mid section. The boys came running out when they heard the screams of their kitty and asked what had happened and if he was going to die? I told them honestly i think he was and there wasn't much i could do about, the damage had to be pretty bad, knowing how hard i shut the door.

All this time the cat is spinning and jerking and crying. I tried to get hold of him but it wasn't easy.
when i did he would be clawing. My sons were very scared and sad to see this. One of them said Daddy, Can God make him ok? I said i didn't know but if they wanted to pray for the kitty we could.

So i prayed, then each one prayed, You know-one of those child prayers. I was so worried about their lil cat dying that i didn't notice he was no longer crying or clawing but now was calm. My eyes were closed and i didn't want to open them cause i thought the poor cat had just died.
when i open them i saw the cat was still alive and i let him loose.

He just strolled away calmly as if nothing had ever happened and my sons were just so happy!
I realized then how much God really listens to the simple prayer of a child and how he said thats how we need to be.
Wow, i tripped on that meaning for the first time and learned something a little more that day.

Today i still continue to make mistakes and don't do the right thing at times but it doesn't change a thing with how God cares or loves. I am a little older now and a little wiser but only he can completely understand me and what i go through.
All this comes down to one word.....RELATIONSHIP (thats it!)

And Yes....... At times , he still saves my azz !! Bet he has on ocassion saved yours too huh?

Lastly, my thoughts and coments are this in a nutshell... looking back