Back In The Day - Tales from the Hood


Story of my Brothers

azteca /mayan

My two brothers are from a different Mom. Their Mom died when they were in there early teens and their Dad re-married my Mom and they had my sister then me.

Dad was 40 and Mom was 20 when they hooked up. My brothers (HALF-BROTHERS) were never thought of as 1/2 brothers to my sister or me. But they really didn't care for my mom and maybe even felt resentment (so it seemed). They also would tell her she wasn't their mom so don't tell them what to do. My dad never supported her in this area and i'm even sure he felt guilty or something along those lines. He tried to make up for their MOM and whenever they got into any trouble he would always "bail" them out and never set them straight,so they had no guildence or discipline and my mom had given up after all the arguments they had over them.

As my two brothers grew up they became typical juvenile deliquents always in and out and when they turned 18 , it continued but now it was Jail and then soon Prison.

Little did i realize that i would follow in their foot-steps BUT only up to a point.

Now my brothers were about 2 years apart from each other and i was 14-15 years younger.
When i was between 14 and 16, my brothers would come up to my room and break out their "kit or outfit" and cook up their shit in front of me. They would tell me to hold the belt around their arm nice and tight while they each would take turns shooting up Heroin. After they were done and go into their trip (somewhere in-between) one of them would say to me c'mon little brother try it you'll like it, and then the other one would get mad at him and say to don't tell me that! Funny how i can still remember those words 33+ years later, and the smell of burnt matches. (the wood ones)

The next time the very same thing would happen except the roles were now reversed and my other brother would tell me etc. I never that any interest in it so that was a good thing even though i did just about everything else! I never thought bad of my brothers then regardless of their habit(s). They were so different from each other in almost every way other than that. One was a up front tell it to you straight and the other was a lying cheating snake! (and thats just the way it was) Not to be mean or disrespectful. He also was a cry baby when in jail for daddy to come and bail him out! The other was quiet and just did his time without bothering dad or anyone. Him i had much respect for except for one other really bad habit... he would steal from the house or around here for his own habit. At times when we would come home and see all the lights on, we knew he was here and things were taken.

Besides that mark against him, I learned in time that i was like him, my straight talking quiet brother and at one time i told him i was like him(except for his bad habits) and that was cause i admired that in him. He never thought he was any good to anyone and was told that when young, but he was somehow...

My other brother and i spent alot of time together when i was younger and we had some good times too. He liked to smoke a lil herb and drink a lil Brandy and listen to good Jazz (Buddy Miles,Wes Montgomery and Miles Davis etc.) All the good shit!
To this day i still enjoy Jazz but not so much this new age shit. Bony James is cool!

I later learned when i was older that he was very controlling and domineering with his wife and kids but i never remember seeing that then. Later in life he eventually got some of his own kids on drugs and then would be their supplier. I never will understand that or forgive him for doing that to his own now grown kids. Well he no longer is alive but he left them pretty screwed-up! One made himself disappear, just to get as far away as he could, where nobody knows. One followed in his dad's footsteps and is now doing life in prison, the other took the easy way out, overdosed and the rest managed to survive a make a decent life for themselves to which i am sooo thankful!

Its really a tragic story to tell and i take no pleasure what-so-ever but strangely enough felt compelled to share this, for what ever reason.

I like to think of all the good times partying with them but there was so much sadness and pain going on deep in their hearts and still is for my brother who remains, but not for much longer then he himself will finally be at peace(as he put it). It took most of my life til now to see what had happened to them and their lives, and it was only because i myself went through alot just to now understand for myself.

From beginning to end, we were raised on a decent family income and home, our Dad was a good provider and we were fortunate to have both parents (my sister and I) and a house that was ours. But i learned a new word later in life when i got married and we had problems, the word? DYSFUNCTIONAL

I knew then that was what kind of family i too came from and having a dad as a provider but not as a father figure or role, made a difference to all of us, and not to mention the 20 year difference between mom and grampa (dad). He himself didn't have a dad to show him all the things he would need to be a father and so it goes, from one generation to the other. When will it stop? Well i guess that all depends on each one of us and our contribution. I have learned alot and know its never too late to give something good and positive to the next in line (my own sons) and i consider myself very fortunate to absorb all this and know what not to do now, i made all my big mistakes too but now i know different and we will see.

As for my sister....
Being 7 years older and when i used to get into trouble,she would kick-my-ass! She was tough too and she was a homegirl! Her name was Cateyes because of how she wore her make up. My sister was my enforcement amd she disciplined me alot! I believe even though i still went through my rough times, she had a strong influence on me somehow,someway.I know now ,being put in check means someone cares enough! and she did- ALOT!


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