In Retrospect
Having said... on occasion, that i had a very interesting and somewhat colorful past (if i could put it that way) with a few angles and shades, mainly leaning toward the grey to black, that i wouldn't mind sitting down and writing about...yet i probably should !!
Primarily its just something i'd like to do for myself, maybe just to reflect on how "lucky" I am to have lived through those reckless times in my young life and even more importantly to have survived and now be able to write about it. And by the way..."luck?" had nothing to do with it! I found out later on His name was JESUS...not lucky.
I am glad that as i live today (or am alive to this day) I no longer lean toward the darker side of my past, which was filled with crime and gang violence and was a very dangerous type of lifestyle, as you have read.
All that is and has been behind me now for quite some time, but i did keep the street smart side of me intact, having a survival mentality living in L.A... It helps keep me aware and away from any dangerous (violent) or intimidating characters one might run across , besides any other situations. I do know how to carry myself and deal (relate) or rap with people, but if i can avoid it altogether.... even better.
The craziness of what i was into amuses me now, but as i look back there is nothing amusing about it at all. Regardless, I have learned a great deal by it and not only in my own personal life but also in interacting with others on all different levels and backgrounds, seeing things a little differently, perhaps gaining alil insight and taking it all in as part of a learning process.
I always enjoy meeting people and getting to know them. No one needs to know my past, only of who i am today.
I am now at my 50th mark and have been out of playing that game since i finally grew up and became a man! One with a gentle and kind spirit and heart. I'm also proud of who and what i am now too!
If you were to ever pass me by, you might think nothing to maybe a little rough around the edges depending on the look i might be sporting at the time (which changes on occasion) and you might even think probably not too friendly of a guy, maybe that would be your first impression and i would probably understand that, but given the chance i would smile and say hi and be civil, other wise i'm not really all that concerned in what anyone thinks of me nor should i be and besides...I'm still learning myself not to form a quick opinion of others different than myself or everyone before getting to know what they're REALLY about and also knowing of my own ignorance helps keep me in check, regardless of anyone else's.
Guess I'm just trying to understand many interesting things in my own life so that i might better understand those around me and learn something new or how to be a friend (or not) or just mind my own dam business!
Now....As for the Homeboyz?
Well, I'm a nobody in this neighborhood now and i wouldn't want it any other way! I have nothing to prove to anyone,period. If i see another old vet i'll stop to say hi and see whats up just to know where things are at (in the hood) cause its definitely not a bad idea to know whats going on (good or bad) if you know what i mean. The youngsters don't really pay much attention to me so its all good as far as i'm concerned.
Unfortunately I have lost so many of my "homeboys" back in the day....either to prison or buried 6 feet under.
I'm just happy to have lived through (and past) it all. I had way too many close calls myself and somehow i survived. Not many left can say that...sad for me to say.
Well .....whats done is done and life? It just goes on.
Anything i've ever done in the past is not about me now and i'm definitely not here to glorify any of it either, because there is nothing to be proud about.
There are alot of things i've done that i regret and never paid the price for, but i also don't feel i need to redeem myself because of it either, that i already did and i moved on.
I do try to treat all people of all races with a dignified respect, as human beings and no different than myself. I don't really care for those who can't accept others for who or what they are but then i really can't say a whole lot about it cause i can fall into that myself if not careful. I believe i will always have a personal problem with ignorant, self-destructive, narrow-minded people who refuse to be open to learning something better in life or except help (not pity) and what is a reality is that there is no age range either! Maybe why this is so personal to me is that i can "relate' and have been there and in that state of mind, no matter how briefly it might have been in my life... there just wasn't any excuse for it. Self-pity is pretty weak! The only good that has come out of all this is that i've learned a tremendous amount and apply it in life and am all the wiser for it.
Well, now that you heard me out and possibly formed some type of opinion (or not), I will continue to share with you these things in the hope that it will cast some light on why people do the things they do and even learn something as far as insight goes. (maybe?) Otherwise just read to entertain yourself.
I realize that alot of it doesn't make any sense (the things done) but thats besides the point.
In this society it will all continue regardless, and either we will try to understand (not except) and be aware (as we all are unfortunately so constantly reminded these days). Let us put our "common sense" as first priority when out and about in any part of this city... or shall we just hide in our fears and hope that it all just goes away? No one could or should live like that! Just be careful and always be aware of your surroundings and ready to act or re'act to be on the safe side. Its a simple thing to keep in mind without letting it kill your fun.... or you.
I've always believed (now anyway) that ignorance and fear are such dangerous tools, and in the wrong hands a very destructive weapon (as we all know). I now have a slogan i put..."educate ignorance - or be killed by it".
Some of the writing on this particular type of site is something you will not find or hear of any where else on these Weblogs.
However you happened to discover mine will be interesting.
I would hope that there are others who have removed themselves from the madness one way or another and even possibly have written their own thoughts and experiences from a different level and or perspective. There are also many other "Blogs" here and there, where others are doing their own thing and its all good. I like to think of mine as outside the box...way out!
Right Here Is Mine.
"So venture if you will into another world
A dark world at times with its twists and turns
A ironic and mysterious world
It was my world once
Now destroyed by the fire of one man
A man with a deep desire"
To Change - Rj
--------------------------------------------
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved" - Helen Keller
Primarily its just something i'd like to do for myself, maybe just to reflect on how "lucky" I am to have lived through those reckless times in my young life and even more importantly to have survived and now be able to write about it. And by the way..."luck?" had nothing to do with it! I found out later on His name was JESUS...not lucky.
I am glad that as i live today (or am alive to this day) I no longer lean toward the darker side of my past, which was filled with crime and gang violence and was a very dangerous type of lifestyle, as you have read.
All that is and has been behind me now for quite some time, but i did keep the street smart side of me intact, having a survival mentality living in L.A... It helps keep me aware and away from any dangerous (violent) or intimidating characters one might run across , besides any other situations. I do know how to carry myself and deal (relate) or rap with people, but if i can avoid it altogether.... even better.
The craziness of what i was into amuses me now, but as i look back there is nothing amusing about it at all. Regardless, I have learned a great deal by it and not only in my own personal life but also in interacting with others on all different levels and backgrounds, seeing things a little differently, perhaps gaining alil insight and taking it all in as part of a learning process.
I always enjoy meeting people and getting to know them. No one needs to know my past, only of who i am today.
I am now at my 50th mark and have been out of playing that game since i finally grew up and became a man! One with a gentle and kind spirit and heart. I'm also proud of who and what i am now too!
If you were to ever pass me by, you might think nothing to maybe a little rough around the edges depending on the look i might be sporting at the time (which changes on occasion) and you might even think probably not too friendly of a guy, maybe that would be your first impression and i would probably understand that, but given the chance i would smile and say hi and be civil, other wise i'm not really all that concerned in what anyone thinks of me nor should i be and besides...I'm still learning myself not to form a quick opinion of others different than myself or everyone before getting to know what they're REALLY about and also knowing of my own ignorance helps keep me in check, regardless of anyone else's.
Guess I'm just trying to understand many interesting things in my own life so that i might better understand those around me and learn something new or how to be a friend (or not) or just mind my own dam business!
Now....As for the Homeboyz?
Well, I'm a nobody in this neighborhood now and i wouldn't want it any other way! I have nothing to prove to anyone,period. If i see another old vet i'll stop to say hi and see whats up just to know where things are at (in the hood) cause its definitely not a bad idea to know whats going on (good or bad) if you know what i mean. The youngsters don't really pay much attention to me so its all good as far as i'm concerned.
Unfortunately I have lost so many of my "homeboys" back in the day....either to prison or buried 6 feet under.
I'm just happy to have lived through (and past) it all. I had way too many close calls myself and somehow i survived. Not many left can say that...sad for me to say.
Well .....whats done is done and life? It just goes on.
Anything i've ever done in the past is not about me now and i'm definitely not here to glorify any of it either, because there is nothing to be proud about.
There are alot of things i've done that i regret and never paid the price for, but i also don't feel i need to redeem myself because of it either, that i already did and i moved on.
I do try to treat all people of all races with a dignified respect, as human beings and no different than myself. I don't really care for those who can't accept others for who or what they are but then i really can't say a whole lot about it cause i can fall into that myself if not careful. I believe i will always have a personal problem with ignorant, self-destructive, narrow-minded people who refuse to be open to learning something better in life or except help (not pity) and what is a reality is that there is no age range either! Maybe why this is so personal to me is that i can "relate' and have been there and in that state of mind, no matter how briefly it might have been in my life... there just wasn't any excuse for it. Self-pity is pretty weak! The only good that has come out of all this is that i've learned a tremendous amount and apply it in life and am all the wiser for it.
Well, now that you heard me out and possibly formed some type of opinion (or not), I will continue to share with you these things in the hope that it will cast some light on why people do the things they do and even learn something as far as insight goes. (maybe?) Otherwise just read to entertain yourself.
I realize that alot of it doesn't make any sense (the things done) but thats besides the point.
In this society it will all continue regardless, and either we will try to understand (not except) and be aware (as we all are unfortunately so constantly reminded these days). Let us put our "common sense" as first priority when out and about in any part of this city... or shall we just hide in our fears and hope that it all just goes away? No one could or should live like that! Just be careful and always be aware of your surroundings and ready to act or re'act to be on the safe side. Its a simple thing to keep in mind without letting it kill your fun.... or you.
I've always believed (now anyway) that ignorance and fear are such dangerous tools, and in the wrong hands a very destructive weapon (as we all know). I now have a slogan i put..."educate ignorance - or be killed by it".
Some of the writing on this particular type of site is something you will not find or hear of any where else on these Weblogs.
However you happened to discover mine will be interesting.
I would hope that there are others who have removed themselves from the madness one way or another and even possibly have written their own thoughts and experiences from a different level and or perspective. There are also many other "Blogs" here and there, where others are doing their own thing and its all good. I like to think of mine as outside the box...way out!
Right Here Is Mine.
"So venture if you will into another world
A dark world at times with its twists and turns
A ironic and mysterious world
It was my world once
Now destroyed by the fire of one man
A man with a deep desire"
To Change - Rj
--------------------------------------------
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved" - Helen Keller
posted by rudedogjive at 12:26 AM
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